Have you ever heard of the old lady who lived in the shoe? Well, try the old lady who lived at the gym. I go to the fitness center every day and see the same lady there. Every day. She never says hello, never acknowledges me in any way, just walks on her treadmill and rides her stationary bike.
And at this gym, there are two remotes to the television set in the treadmill and elliptical room. You would not believe the stupid things some people do to keep these remotes to their greedy selves. They put them in those little cup holders, hold them in their sweaty hands while they run and I swear I even saw a guy stuff a remote down his pants once.
It's intense.
So I'm on my elliptical machine and glance at the clock. Ellen Degeneres's show has been on for five whole minutes! Gasp. I proceed to look for one of the sought after remotes as the old lady I see every day gets off her machine and heads for the disinfecting wipes. It looks to me like she's done watching Oprah. Fist pump! I proceed to make my move and switch the channel to Ellen. Success, right?
WRONG!
This old lady marches to a different machine, sits down, huffs and puffs indignantly, and turns the channel back to Oprah. Without even looking at me. Not once. Meanwhile, here I am about to go all Jerry Springer on an eighty year old woman. Is it so much to ask to want to watch Ellen? She's a funny, super-hip lesbian. What's not to like?
Is it just me, or has gym etiquette been completely lost?
It seems like every time I go to the gym, there's some frazzled mommy with her screaming toddler on the track. Or some meat head lifting weights who forgets to use the disinfecting wipes to sop up his puddles of sweat. Or someone who drops a deuce in the locker room and forgets to flush. Seriously.
And if that little old lady tries to mess with my Ellen again, I wont hesitate to drop kick her in the teeth.
Lovingly Yours,
Perfect Vision
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